When was the last time you checked your phone for a response from a friend? I imagine you could have had one of the following responses; joy in receiving a response, or disappointment in the lack of one. Did you know that feeling loved is an actual need of humanity? Abraham Maslow even included the need for love and belonging in his Hierarchy of Needs. That being said, we can see how the need for a support group, a community, or even some friends can be essential to human development. So, yes, when you are checking your phone for a message, you are looking to fulfill that need for supportive connection.
We all desire to be accepted by our family of origin, school peers, colleagues, and the groups we choose to join. However, when that acceptance is denied, it can cause attachment issues from an early age. In her book, Addictions to Love, Susan Peabody discusses the phenomenon of “attachment hunger.” Susan goes on to explain that this hunger can be driven by a lack of healthy bonding to one’s parents or peers. How does this affect life going forward? Well, for many, this attachment hunger turns into a love addiction, which may express itself differently for many people, however the root is the same; love and connection now become something to chase despite the detrimental effects this ‘chase’ has on the person. The phone checking response, a normal behavior, can become harmful when it interferes with a person’s schooling or carer. Breakups that are sad for most individuals, can lead to a ‘withdrawal’ for someone affected by attachment hunger.
If you have been following this series, you know how I like to look at the energetic root for something, by exploring the corresponding Chakra. The seat of acceptance lies within two chakras. The Solar Plexus or ‘Manipura’, as it is known in Sanskrit, is the seat of self worth. The Heart Chakra or ‘Anahata’ is responsible for the ability to love and trust. To combine these, we can see that self value must be in place for love to exist. While it is possible to go out and search for community at any given time, the quality of connection will differ greatly between one who seeks external validation and one who is seeking belonging.
Internal self value is a personal journey. My intention here is to simply bring awareness to it. In our next post we will explore ways of affirming our internal and external acceptance.
Hope to see you soon!